Anticipation

Tomorrow morning i head up to Maximus' for the weekend. It's the shortest planned trip i've ever had there but jammed packed with activities. We'll be spending the evening with Mountain Man and Sunflower (they conveniently left some items at my home that we need to return) and then will be going to a bondage workshop the following afternoon. We are really looking forward to the workshop, as it is our first one. This class covers genital bondage and Maximus has been dying to learn how to do breast bondage. i was so excited to find this class for Him!

Balance

i've been thinking a lot about control and balance. From an outsider's perspective, a BDSM relationship looks out of balance, someone relinquishing complete control to someone else, becoming powerless. But the fascinating thing, when done respectfully and correctly, is that a BDSM relationship is completely balanced, a partnership that celebrates communication, honor, respect, love, trust, adoration, giving and receiving, tenderness, honesty, and strength--things that people often complain losing in their relationships.

Most people would be absolutely shocked to learn i was in a D/s relationship. On the outside, my life appears all about power, strength, control, orderliness. i work in a non-traditional field for women, having not only broken a glass ceiling, but obliterating it. i am take-charge, focused, a leader of men, convert chaos into calm, hold high expectations for myself and others, and it has been said i have the biggest balls of anyone. my picture appears in the dictionary next to the phrase, "Type A." i own my home, my car, and everything in my life was purchased by me. my finances, retirement, paperwork are all in perfect order and i support myself. i live in a "model home" (an attempted slam uttered by ex-husband #2 as i escorted him out of my home the final time) that is clean and orderly all the time. i push myself in the sport of triathlon, distance running, pushing myself through endurance events other people shake their head at.

But on the inside, my core, what most people fail to observe, is my desire to serve and please. All of the above traits and attributes are products of this desire. my career is all about serving others, 100%. i wrestle chaos so others can have calm and recovery, often jeopardizing my personal safety and sanity to do it. i lead others in a philosophy that the leader, the pinnacle of the org chart, is in the position to serve everyone in the organization so they have the tools and environment they need to be successful--i think the org chart is upside down. my worst fear is to fail someone, especially someone i care for or love. People see me as a perfectionist, but my truth is that i hate making a mistake and disappointing anyone.

i have to have order to relax, to dwell in my sanctuary of calm, to quiet my mind. But i hate telling people to clean and will exhaust myself achieving a clean and orderly environment. i get disappointed and frustrated having to tell someone else to pick up after themselves, something they should know to do--i don't like to be the dominant one about this. This has been a problem in previous relationships, because i cannot relax, continuously clean and harbor feelings of discontent from this lack of balance. i have been accused of being "bossy," had husbands call me by my job title in my own home, something which i find demeaning and infuriating, because being dominant in a relationship is not comfortable for me. This carried into financial matters as well, when i felt my spouse's financial decisions, or lack thereof, put me and his family at risk. i need a strong, orderly partner so i can submit and be calm.

Then what is it about endurance sports? Triathlon is a sport of pushing limits, going beyond what your body or mind think is possible, pushing through pain and doubt, riding on endorphins. my race medals hang on a rack that says, "Never limit your challenges, Challenge your limits." i think this holds absolutely true in BDSM.

For me, being submissive provides structure and order. i get a sense of peace not having to make decisions. i get to swim in pools of absolute adoration from Maximus, be cradled in His body, stroked, calmed. He helps me push my limits, revel in the rush of endorphins, and be under His sole protection. i get to please Him, oh how i get to please Him. In bondage, i am held in structure, able to relax into my surroundings. But i have not lost control--there is a balance. i can ask for what i want, although i may not get it right when i want; my pleasure is His pleasure as well, He just decides when and where. And i always have the ability to use a safeword.

We are not 24/7, but many of these things carryover in our relationship outside of BDSM. i trust Maximus implicitly and this is not relegated only to our BDSM relationship, it's essential to our entire relationship. my desire to please Him does not shut off outside of BDSM, nor does my honor or respect. He owns my body and soul, but He honors my free will, respects my time, supports my endeavors.

i feel more in balance now than i have ever felt. i have had times where my career dominated every bit of my life--it was my job, my area of scholastic study, the source of all my friendships, was a career i shared with my spouse and therefore included much of our communication. i never felt so out of control and we lost our marriage. my second marriage was to a man who gave the appearance of strength, but it was artificial, positional, required me to be dominant and then was thrown back into my face. i gave all of myself without receiving adoration or honesty or respect. i lost my soul and it has taken years to recover it.

Loving BDSM is about balance. It is about trusting completely, sharing, and allowing someone to take you to new heights you didn't know existed and couldn't achieve alone--this stands true for the Dominant as well as the submissive. i love Maximus for seeing my truth, something no one else had the ability to find.

The Book of my Life

Who's Your Daddy?

Last night a Facebook page i follow, Limits and Temptations, posted this topic for discussion:

Topic for discussion: Jealousy. How do you, as a sub/slave/bottom deal with your Owner/Master/Dom/Daddy/Sir having others serve them?

And i realized i should have addressed this in my last posting (Sex with Friends) about my weekend with Mountain Man and Sunflower.

Maximus and i come to BDSM by way of the swinging lifestyle. We met each other at a house party years ago, both attached to other people (not BDSM attached, married). So, we have a lot of experience with sharing ourselves and being comfortable with our partners being with others, both in our presence and outside of that. The swinging lifestyle is something that we enjoy, fits our personalities and needs, and is not something either of us are willing to give up. Separately, we have come to realize we are not monogamous people, although we are extremely LOYAL people. Sex and love are two different things for us, something we can separate. We have sex with many others, and while we may have deep connections with some of our lifestyle friends, we LOVE only each other.

We discussed in great detail how swinging lifestyle would fit into our Dom/sub relationship when we worked on our contract. Our contract allows for Maximus or i to "enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than each other....in or outside the presence of either party, at any location, at any time." We live separately, three hours apart, thus our time together is limited; we both understand and respect that we are sexual beings and desire sexual relations more frequently than our time together allows. Maximus may not "loan" me to any other Dominant, however; He may "direct" me to "serve another Dominant" within the limits of my BDSM allowable activities list, but i am not to be loaned as even temporary property to another. Maximus is my Master and i am solely His property and cannot be owned by any other Dominant. Additionally, per our contract, i will be Maximus' only sub and He cannot take ownership of any other subs. Should it please Him to have me serve another Dominant, i will obey. It pleases Him that i play with others and share my stories with Him--and i enjoy hearing about His experiences as well.

We are both free to continue our swinging activities together and separately with existing and new partners, but we are required to notify each other of requests and scheduled rendezvous promptly. We both understand that some events are spontaneous and our contract requires us to notify the other as soon as possible after a spontaneous, unplanned encounter. It is understood that some activities on our BDSM activities list may occur with others during these times, such as spanking or flogging or bondage, but they are activities, and do not represent the development of a new Dom/sub relationship. Acquisition of a new sub or Dom, or declaring love for another represents a catastrophic breech of our contract and betrayal of our commitment to each other.

We do have one very specific rule in regards to swinging. We both find sleeping with someone, as in actually sleeping, not the euphemism for the act of having sex, to be extremely intimate and special. Except in very special situations that are communicated and mutually agreed upon, we are not to sleep with anyone other than each other. When we are together, we will always sleep together. This includes situations where we may be playing in separate areas at a party or at our homes and may dose off in afterglow--we will always get up and find each other in order to sleep in each others arms for the remainder of the event. We may agree to return to play with others after that, but it is unacceptable for either of us to spend the entire event apart without spending intimate time connecting with each other and affirming our commitment. My sleeping with Mountain Man and Sunflower was discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to the event and approved because i would be sleeping with them together, not alone with Mountain Man, which would have been a breech. Therefore, when Sunflower left my bed, it was no longer acceptable for me to be sleeping with Mountain Man (for several reasons, which i discussed in my earlier post).

The great thing about incorporating swinging into our BDSM relationship is that it gives us the ability to learn from more experienced others since we are new to BDSM. We have recently met another couple, who lives near Maximus, who have been in BDSM for years. This couple has expressed interest in Maximus playing separately with them and with her alone, and we are both very excited for Him to have the potential to learn from this arrangement. Maximus and i talked a lot before Mountain Man and Sunflower came to stay this past weekend, knowing that they were venturing into BDSM and Mountain Man had expressed interest in my BDSM activities list. My instructions from Maximus was to learn, accept training from Mountain Man, and that it would please Him for me to serve Mountain Man in whatever way he desired--i was not being loaned to Mountain Man, i was being asked to serve him in a BDSM role and obey his requests. i was serving Maximus in this situation and this is the distinct difference in being with Maximus and any other Dominant. Mountain Man was being dominant, but was not my Dominant--he's Sunflower's Dominant.

So my reply to Limits and Temptations would be, no, there is no jealousy for Maximus, my Dominant, to be served by another submissive, as long as it is done within the agreements in our contract. There are times that i have questioned the nature of His relationship with another, for clarification, such as the case of Ms. W, because i assumed He was in love with her, but He has assured me that He is not. If He were to fall in love with someone else, wildcat jealousy would not even begin to describe my response, and rightly so. i would expect the same from Him.

Sex with Friends

Beautiful heart-shaped leaf from our walk along the river

Who needs Words with Friends when you can have Sex with Friends!!

What a wonderful weekend! Mountain Man and Sunflower came to visit. i met Mountain Man and Sunflower through Maximus very early on in our friendship and felt an immediate connection with them. i have played with them with and without Maximus and even with others without Maximus, and it is the same for Him, with and without me and with others with them. Our connection with this couple is beyond sexual, it is a genuine, wonderful friendship that i (we) cherish very much.

They are also moving into BDSM and he has rope/knot tying experience that we are hoping to learn. Mountain Man has some experience as a sub and identifies himself as a switch. They haven't written a contract yet but have plans to.

When they arrived Saturday, Sunflower exclaimed, "We just learned of this amazing new couple on [website name omitted]!" referring to an online lifestyle site that Maximus and i are on together as a couple, "and I can't wait to learn more about this!" Maximus and i had been on that site as singles for years and began a couple's profile in September after talking about taking our relationship to the next level (not BDSM, but a more committed relationship). i hadn't advertised it to a lot of our lifestyle friends, although some found us. i'm not sure why i didn't advertise it....i think i just didn't want to thrust it in peoples' faces and there were friends that i worried might feel hurt that He and i were making this step together rather than He or i and them. We weren't a paid member of that site until last weekend, so i couldn't post testimonials/certifications until then, and Maximus asked me to do that for our friends after we upgraded. Sunflower and Mountain Man were extremely excited that we were an official couple (as proved to them by our "new" couples profile).

We headed out for a walk along a beautiful lake not far from my home. The weather was perfect, a partly cloudy, crisp Pacific Northwest winter day. Sunflower immediately asked for me to talk to them about our couple status. So we walked together and talked about us, not into specific details, necessarily, as they don't need to know everything, but a general overview and how we got here. Mountain Man is very interested in our contract, in fact, he had been pressing for Appendix 2 (my BDSM activities list) several weeks ago when he first learned we had done this, but i don't think it's necessary for him to have this. i've posted the contract and rules here (see Our Contract and Rules post), but its done so in anonymity--its too personal to share with someone who knows us. They did want to know how Ms. W fit into this equation, and i explained that she is a very dear friend of Maximus', that our two relationships were at different levels, and they would continue to play together. They have known Ms. W for quite some time and have spent time with Maximus and her together. i did share a bit how i struggled with understanding the differences in our relationships at first, how it had been essential for me to understand that to proceed. i also shared how important it was for me to learn how to trust again, after my last failed relationship left me with a fear of dishonesty. We also talked about how it was unfortunate for us learn that our [Ms. W and mine] personalities don't mesh, which appears to make her feel uncomfortable, thus preventing us to be all together. Sunflower said something that was very insightful, that she felt that Ms. W's past probably contributed to her discomfort...something that i had not considered. What i didn't know, was that Mountain Man had a similar relationship, perhaps even more than what Maximus has with Ms. W (he still loves this other woman and their relationship together didn't proceed because she was (is) married and lives across the country). It was extremely helpful for me to hear them talk about this relationship, how it affected their relationship, and how they are both at peace with it.

Foxy Chef

We returned home and worked on dinner. Maximus had been a little disappointed that i wasn't wearing my tail when they arrived (i knew we were going to be going for a walk, so i was dressed accordingly), so i dressed for cooking...wearing my beautiful foxtail in a short little black dress...later in just an apron. They LOVED my tail, but then REALLY loved it when they realized it was a buttplug, not part of my dress! Mountain Man asked me to play the piano for him, so i flipped my tail back and sat bare ass on the piano bench with my tail hanging behind me off the bench. When we got up...i had left a puddle of pussy juices on the bench, which really excited him!

We had a lot of time to play after dinner went in the oven. We started at the dining table. Sunflower was sitting in a chair and i straddled her, facing her, and we took turns savoring each others breasts. Mountain Man was with us and we turned on him, savoring his wonderful cock. They took turns stroking my tail, which was so lovely! We took pics and shared them with Maximus, enjoying texting Him.

i wore my tail the whole time!

We moved upstairs and placed Sunflower on her back to i could pleasure her. She has the most responsive clit and i love to work on her orally to make her come. Mountain Man watched, carressed us, telling us how wonderful we were, and then received oral from her while i pleasured her. Suddenly, i got this intense desire to fuck her pussy with a dildo, however, i had this picture in my mind of a harness that i'd seen online, a dildo that straps to someone's chin. i don't have one of those, but instead i grabbed the double-ended dildo i bought to go in the harness, putting the smaller end in my mouth and fucking her pussy with the large end. IT WAS AMAZING!! Her pussy juices covered my face as thrusted into her, the cock pushing into my throat, all the while i could hear her moans and gasps of pleasure. He moved behind me and fucked my pussy from behind, forcing my face into her pussy with every grind into me. Wow!

After she and i came multiple, multiple times, the two of them flogged and cropped me. It was the first time for Sunflower to use a crop on someone and Mountain Man enjoyed that thoroughly. They used the crop on my thighs and groin, which was amazing. Mountain Man then entered me in missionary position and she continued to crop and flog us. i begged for her to strike my breasts hard with the crop and oh, it was heaven!

My first ropework!

We had to take a brief break to work on some more dinner prep. When we returned, it was decided that Sunflower and i were to dom Mountain Man. We put Mountain Man on his back and Sunflower blindfolded him. She shoved his legs up, placing the bottoms of his feet together, so his cock, balls, and ass were completely exposed. She and i started to flog and crop him, but i noticed that his legs kept coming out of that wonderful position, so i decided to restrain him. i started with the leather cuffs, but that just held his ankles but did not keep the bottoms of his feet together. i began to wrap rope around his feet, but quickly realized it would slip off, so i took the rope over the clip holding the cuffs together and around the wrapping on his feet, and wove the rope around his feet more. i paid close attention to how i placed the rope and it turned out simply beautiful--and very secure. i was extremely pleased with myself! After binding his feet, i took another rope, used a handcuff knot to bind his wrists and then secured that rope to the bed to hold his hands above his head.

Pegging Mountain Man. i look like i have a penis!

We flogged and rubbed and caressed Mountain Man. And took breaks to fondle each other loudly next to him. We sucked him and i spent a lot of time sucking his balls, one and then the other, then working to get both of them in my mouth together. Sunflower got her leather Jaguar harness and put it on me, describing to Mountain Man how beautiful it looked on me. She then inserted a dildo into the harness and instructed me to peg Mountain Man. Sunflower grabbed his feet and pulled them up toward his head, bringing his ass up. We lubed my fingers and i began to play with his ass, lubricating and relaxing him before entering him with the dildo. This brought him such pleasure! i finally entered him and Sunflower flogged and cropped him. i grabbed his cock and stroked him but it was hard for me to keep my balance while i was pegging him. i grabbed his legs and Sunflower alternated between stroking and sucking him and we worked him over. We finally instructed him to come, me fucking him and she stroking him firmly, and he came loudly and intensely, come shooting forcefully all the way up onto the underside of his chin and splashing all over his chest! She immediately stroked and licked and tickled his ultra-sensitive cock, making him buck wildly against the restraints. It was so erotic! We then released him and caressed him in aftercare.

His feet were absolutely beautiful when i took off the rope, something that totally surprised me!

Beautiful indentations on Mountain Man's foot from the ropework

We had a wonderful dinner in the afterglow, recounting the events, sharing bits and photos with Maximus, and discussing things we learned/what we might adjust next time. Then we returned to bed for dessert! This time, Mountain Man and Sunflower worked me over, trying to push me into subspace. i never reached subspace, but got into an amazing cycle of orgasms, one right after another in rapid succession, seconds apart, each lasting 30 seconds each, until i was absolutely spent! This went on for 30 minutes. During my aftercare, Sunflower played video she had taken of it--simply amazing! We were totally spent and collapsed into sleep, all together in my bed.

Sunflower left early the next morning to spend the day with an old friend. Before she left we were instructed that when she returned that night, we were to tell her the story of how we spent our day. Specifically, we were to sit on our hands, Mountain Man start with the first half of a sentence and i to finish the last half, until we recounted the whole story.

As soon as she left, Mountain Man boosted me up onto the granite island in my kitchen, kissing me, pushing my black satin robe off my shoulders, and began sucking my nipples and caressing me. He told me how pleased he was with me about the night before and instructed me to tell him what would be the one thing he could do to pleasure me to show his appreciation. i told him i wished for him to lick and suck my clit until i had an orgasm. He laid me back onto the exquisitely cold granite and spread my legs. He licked and sucked my clit, played with my pussy until i came--it was wonderful! He pulled me back up into sitting and i kissed him ("Kiss me like a lover," he commanded), tasting my juices on his face and tongue.

He took me back to my bed and laid me on my stomach and cuffed my wrists. He told me that he wanted to get me into subspace and asked me what i needed for aftercare so he could soothe me afterward. i told him what i needed and then he entered me, which made me come instantly. He pushed me back down on the bed, held me down, instructed me to relax and be calm, stroking my body, keeping his cock inside me. "This is your safe place," he said. "You may have small orgasms here, but it is your safe place and i want you to relax here." He held me there until i relaxed, praising me for doing so, and i had small rolling orgasms on him. He then returned to fucking me and i could feel a huge orgasm building. i begged to come and he gave me permission to come once, which i did, then coached me to go back to my safe place again. i asked to come again and he reminded me that i could have small orgasms in my safe place. He repeated this over and over and over--it was like riding the ocean.

At one point while in my safe place he asked me what i was thinking. i had been thinking about being with Maximus, specifically two things. i told Mountain Man that i wanted him to use the crop on my pussy lips (i adored this when Maximus did this to me) and that i wanted him to contact Maximus so He could give him instructions on what to do with me, but that i didn't want to know what Maximus had directed him to do.

Mountain Man then transitioned to a new sequence, starting from my safe place. He told me that he was going to slowly stroke his cock in and out of me and that i was to count two full strokes, not come during these, but then he would grind forcefully into me and i was to come once and then it would repeat. He did this over and over. He returned me to my safe place and changed the count to three and repeated, and then four. It was delicious, but did not push me into subspace. The left side of my face kept going into involuntary spasms while it was pressed into the bed, something i've never experienced before.

He then removed my cuffs, rolled me over and flogged and cropped me all over my body. i was not to move. He increased the intensity and then pulled back and repeated. He fucked me in between, bringing back the 2, 3, or 4 stroke rules at random. This went on and on and i could feel myself getting to an edge. i wanted him to come and didn't want to make us stop until he did, but i could feel that i was getting closer and closer to my limit. i kept telling myself to hold on, convincing myself not to tell him i was at my limit, but finally i had to tell him. i gasped, "oh i'm at my yellow limit," (or something to that effect) and he instantly lowered the intensity of that stroke, but it blasted me over the edge and i broke into emotional sobs, having waited through my yellow to the edge of red to tell him. He reached under my neck and pulled me into him and i sobbed into his chest. He cupped my sex, rolled onto his side and i curled into the fetal position into him and he held me in my aftercare.

His aftercare was very different than Maximus'. He was very quiet and held me still, where Maximus talks to me and strokes me (which i adore). We laid together for quite a while and then i was able to talk. i felt wonderful and i made sure he knew. He then told me what time it was and i was absolutely amazed...we'd been at this for two hours! No wonder i hit a limit! He went down and returned with coffee and joined me in a bath where we made plans for the rest of the day.

Amazing alder leaf on our walk

We ended up going for coffee at a great little coffee shop i love, for a walk along the riverfront, and then shopped for things we needed for dinner that night. We both texted Maximus and Sunflower and checked in with them. Mountain Man told me he had received instructions from Maximus for later.

During our walk, Mountain Man asked me a wonderful question. "What is the thing that you love about Maximus the most?" i replied, "His energy." i explained, "His energy fills the room and it's electric. It's the first thing i noticed about Him when i first met Him years ago. i was entering our friends home with my husband and He walked into the great room while we were saying our hellos and the room immediately filled with energy. His energy fills me and this is the only relationship i've ever had that has given me energy rather than sucked it out of me. He's my biggest fan and just energizes me." i then told Mountain Man about the Things i Want or Need list that i found and told Him how Maximus hit every one of the bullet points (i didn't elaborate on the specific points, other than be my biggest fan), and He asked if i'd told Maximus about this. i noted that i had written about it in my submissive's journal (my blog--they don't know about my blog, i have only described it as my online sub journal) that Maximus reads and that we would most assuredly talk about it when we were together again, as we do that.

We returned home, worked on dinner prep and had some lunch, then we returned to the bedroom. As i undressed, Mountain Man observed my matching panties and bra and asked me to leave them on. i knelt down in front of my fireplace on the white fur rug and took him into my mouth (he is very well endowed, girth and length). i then learned that Maximus' instructions were not for something that he was to do to me, but for something i was to do to Mountain Man! Such a crafty master, my Maximus! My task was to deep throat Mountain Man while he slowly counted to ten. Maximus loves to watch me take cocks deep down my throat. Mountain Man asked me how i wanted to do this and i explained that i wanted to lay on my back on the bed with my head hanging back off the edge and have him stand and put his cock down my throat. i was very concerned that i had eaten just a mere 5 minutes before we came upstairs and i was admonishing myself about insisting that i not be told what Maximus' request was (i wished Mountain Man had distracted me from eating!). i failed my first attempt. When Mountain Man got to 7, i gagged and vomited into my mouth, but swallowed it. Mountain Man briskly flipped me over on my stomach and spanked me hard three times. Oh wow! Ok then, i'll show YOU! I thought! He flipped me back over and put his cock down my throat and began counting again...and i went to 11.5!!!

Mountain Man immediately texted Maximus, "Mission complete. What is her reward?" Maximus replied, "Good girl, i will reward her later." Grin!

Now, i assumed Maximus would have had a different instruction for Mountain Man. Each time i texted Him, He asked if i'd had anal with Mountain Man, so i figured His instruction would be for Mountain Man to fuck my ass. Silly girl, Maximus isn't Mountain Man's dom--he's mine! Mountain Man asked what he could do to reward me and i told him what i had thought Maximus' instruction would be and that i would like my reward to be having him fuck my ass so i could tell Maximus i had anal sex with Mountain Man. He gladly agreed to my request. He lubed and fingered my ass for quite a while, preparing me for entry. i then moved to my side and he entered me slowly (i have learned that i need to lay on my side for the first entry into my ass, i'm not sure why, but it works). After he was in, i returned to my knees and he pounded my ass, pulling my hair like i love. He was so vocal about how good it felt and i could tell he was holding off his orgasm. After about 30 minutes i was getting to where i needed a break so i asked him to come in my ass and he came IMMEDIATELY, roaring! It was spectacular.

We cuddled a bit and then returned downstairs to make dinner. As soon as we sat down to eat, Maximus texted that The Englishman was at His house and wanted to Skype with me. Mountain Man and i visited with The Englishman all through dinner. Maximus prompted us in the background for us to tell The Englishman about some of our forays and we could see Him showing The Englishman pictures from His phone. We all had a ball! Maximus looked so good in the background, so happy--it made my heart smile. While we were talking with The Englishman, Maximus texted me, "Love you baby," and i melted.

Sunflower was delayed and didn't get back until late. She watched the last half of a movie with us and then we went up to bed. It was midnight and frankly, i was exhausted! i would have played if they wanted, but it appeared Mountain Man was tired as well. i realized as i was preparing for bed that we hadn't told Sunflower about our day. i mentioned this when i climbed in with them, and Sunflower informed me that Mountain Man was "grounded" because he told her he was too tired to tell her. Oh no! i thought. This can't be good. So i told her i didn't want to be grounded and told her the story of the day while he laid between us. She asked what i meant when i told her he had pushed me over the edge earlier that morning and i described it--and she immediately gave him an exploding fist bump, so i felt a little better about this. We then started off to sleep.

But then Sunflower got up 20 minutes later... i was concerned and asked her if she was ok and she replied that she couldn't sleep and was going to go down and play with her Kindle. i was very concerned and expected Mountain Man to follow her. However, after she'd been gone about a minute, it was obvious he wasn't moving, so i nudged him and told him to go see if she was ok. He did and i could hear them talking for an hour and a half, nothing heated, it was a normal conversation with giggles (i couldn't hear what they were saying, just their voices). They never returned to bed with me and were in the guest room when i woke in the morning. She came down in the morning while i was on the couch with coffee and my laptop, texting Maximus. i checked with her and she said she was absolutely fine; she has chronic pain and has a difficult time falling asleep without exhausting herself first with her Kindle or sex. Since we didn't have sex she was restless.

We had breakfast and they departed for home, lots of hugs and kisses and loves.

Maximus called me after they left and he praised me for my good decision to have Mountain Man go check on Sunflower. He agreed that it would have been inappropriate for Mountain Man to sleep alone with me in my bed and that it was important that i ensured they were ok by sending Mountain Man down to check on her. It made me happy on both counts, that i pleased Maximus and that i took care of my friends.

Sunflower and Mountain Man left a few items behind, so we will be getting together with them next weekend while i am up visiting Maximus. We are all looking forward to our foursome!

Our Contract and Rules

This is part of our contract and our rules. Appendix 2 refers to our BDSM activities list that i have not included here. This is our first contract, which we've amended already, and i'm sure is just the first of several revisions as we grow together through this adventure.

THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS

1 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the Submissive.

FUNDAMENTAL TERMS

2 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits, and her well-being.

3 The Dominant and the Submissive agree and acknowledge that all the occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing.

4 The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious, or life-threatening illnesses, including but not limited to HIV, herpes, and hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.

5 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements, and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.

6 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 2-5 above.

ROLES

7 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the Submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.

8 If at any time the Dominant should fail to keep to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, the Submissive is entitled to terminate this contract forthwith and to leave the service of the Dominant without notice.

9 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 2-5 above, the Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

COMMENCEMENT AND TERM

10 The Dominant and Submissive enter into this contract on the Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.

11 This contract shall be effective for a period of six calendar months from the Commencement Date (“the Term”). On the expiry of the Term the parties shall discuss whether this contract and the arrangements they have made under this contract are satisfactory and whether the needs of each party have been met. Either party may propose the extension of this contract subject to adjustments to its terms or to the arrangements they have made under it. In the absence of agreement to such extension this contract shall terminate and both parties shall be free to resume their lives separately.

AVAILABILITY

12 The Submissive and Dominate will make themselves available to each other at times to be mutually agreed upon by the two of them (“the Allotted Times”). Further allocated time can be mutually agreed on an ad hoc basis. The Dominate and Submissive shall maintain their calendars to ensure scheduled time is maintained. Time between Allotted Times shall not extend greater than one month’s time

13 The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the Submissive from his service at any time and for any reason. The Submissive may request her release at any time, such request to be granted at the discretion of the Dominant subject only to the Submissive’s rights under clauses 2-5 and 8 above.

LOCATION

14 The Dominant and Submissive will make themselves available during the Allotted Times and agreed additional times at locations to be determined by both parties. The Dominate and Submissive will discuss how travel costs will be paid prior to being incurred. The Submissive agrees to the use of The Dominant’s travel reward points for travel expenses as he deems appropriate.

SERVICE PROVISIONS

15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. In such circumstances, further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be agreed, documented, and signed by both parties and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out under clauses 2-5 above.

DOMINANT

15.1 The Dominant shall make the Submissive’s health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, or demand the Submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the Submissive’s life. The remaining subclauses of this clause 15 are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 2-5 above.

15.2 The Dominant accepts the Submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the Submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

15.3 The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.

15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the Submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.

15.5 The Dominant may discipline the Submissive as necessary to ensure the Submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog or spank the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.

15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the Submissive’s body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.

15.7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such way as to cause serious harm, and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.

15.8 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the Submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and, when necessary, ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.

15.9 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment.

15.10 The Dominant shall not loan his Submissive to another Dominant. The Dominant may direct the Submissive to serve another Dominant within the limits of Appendix 2, but the Submissive shall not be loaned as property to that Dominant.

15.11 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the Submissive at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the Submissive.

15.12 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic, and safe state at all times.

SUBMISSIVE

15.13 The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term generally but specifically during the Allotted Times and any additionally agreed allotted times.

15.14 The Submissive shall obey the rules (“the Rules”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement. The Dominant shall also follow the guidelines of the rules (“the Rules”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement as they apply to him.

15.15 The Submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability.

15.16 The Submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise.

15.17 The Submissive will ensure that she maintains contraceptive measures and ensure that she uses it as prescribed to prevent any pregnancy.

15.18 The Submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.

15.19 The Dominant may, at times, direct the Submissive not to touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.

15.20 The Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.

15.21 The Submissive shall accept floggings, spankings, paddlings, or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, inquiry, or complaint.

 

15.22 The Submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant and shall address him only as Sir, Maximus, or such other title as the Dominant may direct.

 

ACTIVITIES

16 The Submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.

17 The Dominant and the Submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 2 and recorded in writing on Appendix 2 their agreement in respect of them.

SAFEWORDS

18 The Dominant and the Submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the Submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the Submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the Submissive may make use of a safeword (“The Safeword[s]”). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.

19 The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance.

20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.

CONCLUSION

21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.

The Dominant:

The Submissive:

APPENDIX 1

RULES

Obedience:

The Dominant and the Submissive shall cue each other for the beginning of roleplay by using their designated role names (“Maximus” for the Dominant and “[name not disclosed for general audience, as Maximus is the only one who may speak her name]” for the Submissive. During these roleplays, the Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in the hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.

Sleep:

The Submissive will ensure she achieves adequate sleep and rest when not with the Dominant. The Submissive and the Dominant shall sleep in the same bed when together (“Alotted Times”).

Food:

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain health and well-being.

Clothes:

During roleplay  the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit.

Exercise:

The Submissive shall exercise in a manner necessary to maintain and build her level of fitness necessary to participate and be competitive in the athletic events of their choosing.  Exercise shall continue to have a priority in her life and the activities under Appendix 2 shall not interfere with training necessary to maintain a competitive edge.

Personal Hygeine/Beauty:

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. All costs will be met by the Dominant.

Personal Safety:

The Dominate understands that The Submissive’s occupation is inherently dangerous and the limits of this Agreement does not pertain to occupational responsibilities.

Personal Qualities:

The Dominant and The Submissive may enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than each other. Such sexual relations may occur in or outside the presence of either party, at any location, at any time. Sexual relations shall be conducted in a manner that shall not expose risk to the health and safety of either partner in this Agreement. The Dominant and The Submissive will conduct themselves in a respectful manner at all times. The Dominant and the Submissive recognize that this relationship is unique to them and is a primary relationship to any other relationship the Dominant of the Submissive have with others.  They must recognize that their behavior is a direct reflection on the other partner. The Dominant and The Submissive shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of each other. The Submissive will be the Dominant’s only sub; The Dominant shall be the Submissive’s only dom.

Communication: The Dominant and the Submissive may maintain separate and joint accounts on such Internet services [accounts omitted for audience for privacy], as well as separate and joint email accounts for communication for sexual activities to be conducted separately or together, but shall maintain full disclosure on all accounts, including notification of existing and new accounts, account usernames and passwords. Either party shall access any account at any time for any reason and have no expectation of privacy from each other in regards to communications between themselves and third parties. Neither party shall cancel, close, delete, or suspend any online account for any reason unless mutually agreed upon in writing and certified by their signatures.

Any communication devices shall be made available to either party at any time. The Dominant and the Submissive shall function with a philosophy of “overcommunication.” Outside relationships will be discussed fully and proactively. All inquiries from either party shall be answered fully and honestly. All calendars, written or electronic, shall be maintained and accessible to either party.

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate discipline.

Missing from Me

tu me manques

you are missing from me

Maximus is with Ms. W. He told me He would text while He was there and i said i wouldn't text Him because i thought it would be rude to interrupt. i'm regretting that now, i miss hearing from Him.

Mountain Man and Sunflower are delayed a few hours, which makes His absence feel more acute, no distraction while i'm waiting for them or Him.

i'm fine, just missing Him.

g

Premonition

i went through my documents folder on my computer today to clean things up--you know how messy those folders can get. As i scrolled through, i found a file called "things i want or need.doc." Maximus recently asked me for a Christmas list, something i dread making, and i thought, hey, a Christmas list! i opened it and wow, what did i find...

i don't remember making this list, but it was from two and a half years ago, right after i got divorced. i think it was a premonition...

because it's Maximus.

Things I want or need

 and am not going to sacrifice

• Bring me soup when I’m sick
• Always tell me goodnight when I’m at work
• Flowers or something that shows they were thinking of me
• Clean up after themselves and even me sometimes
• Hold my hand
• Be my biggest fan
• Like their family, including their parents and siblings
• No secrets, don’t lock their computer or hide their texts
• I am not raising their children. They need to be grown up
• Excellent credit, clean background check
• Communicate for conflict resolution. No verbal hostage holding
• Hold me if I cry
• Play cards, watch movies, run, cycle, do things together

There's nothing on that list that is not Him. Well, i've not been sick, but i know He would bring me soup if i ever were...He is doting and makes sure i'm well taken care of all the time.

Perhaps i was carrying this list in my heart...or perhaps He was carrying it for me in His.