i read this on a blog today and thought it was beautifully said. i didn't want to lose it.
From Musings of a Submissive Slut
Every Submissive Should Read This and Remember This (Write it down if need be).
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to
You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my
walls and give Your control of my will may take time and testing before I
feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages
of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need
to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and
excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how
You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I
will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for
all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I
need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the
way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and
Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community
member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits. I need to know exactly what You
expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways
I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how
far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to
reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without
Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know
You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's
behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by
allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I
may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life
by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's
not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You
are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done
consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your
negative responses.
I need to expand my limits. I need to
grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or
stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to
be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may
drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because
I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend
on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I
need You to teach me. I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher.
My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all
that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in
order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of
the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need
goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented.
I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for
me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your
plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I
quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose
and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I
need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes.
Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very
difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as
individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a
mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail
both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel
secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in
keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You
to be my role-model. I look up to You and try to follow in Your
footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into
failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn
quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions
and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will
blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will
always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance. I need to know when You approve
of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short
of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do
not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions.
I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself
and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm
confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both
good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the
negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate
disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all
the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my
feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in
hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but
without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering
resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to
speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn
from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in
order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will
struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the
consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go
along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my
failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice
my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before
wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You.
Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I
need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to
forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting
beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be
punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel
closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that
determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is
acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a
deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic
nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my
gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life
together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate
worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to
others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You
will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy
successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up
my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of
savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find
pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to
share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with
grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the
limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of
knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with
You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones
of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual
aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be
difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions
and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll
depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with
You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to
share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak
or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of
Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and
protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how
miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by
You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing
Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to
expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than
knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even
if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in
return. I can't survive without it.
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