Horrid

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad
She was horrid! 

i feel miserable. Maximus is right, He could never punish me as i punish myself.

i've been horrid. Just like the nursery rhyme.

i went off on Maximus. Completely unprovoked and unfairly. i yelled and carried on, swore, cried, stormed out, hung up, screamed. i did this exactly when He needed it the least, as if He needed it at all, but my timing couldn't have been worse. i am mortified by my actions.

And yet He still loves me, even when i'm having trouble loving myself right now.

i don't know why i tried to ruin it. i don't have reasons or excuses. i don't know why i got so wrapped up in emotions and let them carry me to such a dark place. i don't know why i lashed out on someone who loves and cares and desires me, and someone who needs me to be strong and supportive right now. He hasn't asked for anything but my heart and trust, and gives me the world in return.

i am so sorry.

And i love you. Thank you for forgiving me.